Thread: Jealousy
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Old 05-07-2017, 09:07 AM   #7
Delsol's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,823
Hi Taylor - thank you for sharing this issue, one that probably affects most people at one time or another.

Some thoughts: Luckily jealousy is not something I experienced in my romantic partnerships (the last one being a marriage of over 20 years). My partners were not jealous people, either. Very liberating! Working on Self and the Couple is challenging enough without that. However, in recent times I found myself quite smitten with a person and experienced incredible jealousy! Ha ha. Very humbling. Did not know I had it in me - it was terribly distasteful. Here is what I realized - though I am still processing this lesson, am not certain about it: Jealousy comes from a place of imbalance within ourselves. When we partner up with people, we are subconsciously seeking in them something we have repressed within ourselves - something we need to uncover, develop and explore. Positive and negative traits. When our partner already is and provides to us whatever that thing is, we feel in balance and harmonious - but at the same time, deep down, we 'know' this is cheating a bit, because rather that fleshing out that aspect of our personality, we let them 'be it' for us. We become attached to them, as if they are an extension of ourselves. They are not. When we feel secure, jealousy is not an issue. Not just secure in the relationship, but secure in our own beings. I think I experienced uncharacteristic jealousy because I am temporarrily in an imbalanced place. Rather than obsess about the partner and seek validation, it may be better for a time to obsess about ourselves - do the inner shadow work to comprehend what qualities we lack, and strive to develop them - to become as 'whole' as we can possibly be. That way, instead of looking to our partners to provide us with what we lack (an impossible job over time!) we look to them for sharing the journey with - two souls not facing each other intensley, but rather standing side by side - looking outward together at the life experience. A final thought, particularly for men though not exclusively - it seems to me the sex urge for men is very possessive. It is common to become fixated on a woman once a bed had been shared. Sexuality is also something we come to believe we NEED another person for. Without them, our subconscious panics. Does not have to be this way at all. If you find yourself objectifying your wife, resist the tendency! Affirm to yourself that you are a being of God in a human body. Your wife is also. Of all the things you will share, your bodies are the least of the gifts - though still a gift, of course! Ha ha. Hope this all makes sense.

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
"Have you seen the stars tonight? Would you like to go up on a deck and look at them with me?" Paul Kantner
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