Thread: Jealousy
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Old 05-08-2017, 03:13 PM   #10
triguybos
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Taylor,
Have faith, fear not. Let go and let God. Easy to say, hard to do. But try it. What have you to lose? It sounds like fear of divorce and your desire to be married to a fellow devotee is getting the best of you. While the marriage appears idyllic, sometimes the more you tighten up on something, the more it feels like you are trying to control it, instead of yourself. Maybe going on separate SRF retreats for men and women, away from one another to meditate on this situation may help both of you?
My point is to not let your fear and desire CONTROL you, which makes you do regrettable things in hindsight. Let go of this control. It is possible that your marriage can end. But it is certain that through it all and anything else, remind yourself that God is in control and is looking out for you (and Caitlin).
In my own personal life, it's been a transition of rethinking of what's important in life... I used to think that being married with children was the holy grail, pre-SRF. Now, I'm married with children and I'm beginning to realize that's it's only temporary gifts from God to show my strengths as well as expose my weaknesses, and to learn to behave and evolve my personality and consciousness beyond the marital mundane, ups and downs. After 3-4 years of being with my wife, I am just learning to "love" her in all her glory and dark sides, as opposed to loving MY check-the-box image of her, which is NOT who she is in reality. I'm sure she feels the same way about me.
I sincerely believe that in the end God alone matters. When life's good, we tend to forget this and only cry/pray to God when life's bad. Try that "what would Jesus do" analysis on your life and meditate alone and away from her presence to see how He can guide you.
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