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Old 08-10-2017, 10:28 AM   #1
Heidi
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Prayers

Please pray for me. I am recovering from spending a year teaching in a Native American reservation. It is a very difficult situation. I am trying now to get strength back. This morning I felt so much congestion and anger in my body. I am doing the best I can, reading the Holy Science, praying, doing what I can of the EEs. It's just that so much negativity has been coming in my direction and it would be easier if there were some positive thoughts too so I am asking for them. Love, Heidi
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Old 08-10-2017, 11:48 AM   #2
Adhikari
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That's a noble thing you were doing.
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Think ye in thy heart, lotus feet of thy Guru, If you want to cross the ocean of delusion. Shaming the white lotus in purity, beyond all duality, Guru, image of Brahma, deliver us from delusion.
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Old 08-10-2017, 04:07 PM   #3
triguybos
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You're helping God's children who can't help themselves in the school of life. In doing so, you're passing your own tests. No matter how much suffering you picked up from helping and interacting with them, remember thy Self and that they are children of God who needed your help, no matter how much negativity you picked up from their environment and them. Be comforted in knowing that when your life ends and you do an accounting before God, you'll have a positive balance. Also remember not to take on others' karma evem though you're interacting with them; you have enough of your own to deal with! By this, I mean that if you emotionally react to their negative environments and karma, you get yourself involved with theirs. It's extremely tough to be detached to insulate yourself from others' karma, but it's in your interest to try. I do this routinely with my work and even personal life.

In regards to helping Natives, I mentored a Native kid as a Big Brother in Albuquerque. Like a lamb of God, he was sweet, unadulterated, innocent, good, and pre-teen. His mom got pregnant with him whem she left the reservation at 18, and he had a baby half-brother. His mom was trying to raise them while studying to be a physician assistant. I sympathize with him and I family. We had fun and learned about life during my time with him...until he and his mom amd baby brother disappeared and the Big Brother Bis Sister folks and I didn't hear from them again.

Bottom line point is that try to see thr positive in your experience, no matter how much negative you picked up from it. That's life and maya... Duality. Seeing and reminding yourself of the positive will counter the negativity you're dealing with now.

God bless you.
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Old 08-10-2017, 04:08 PM   #4
Adhikari
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This forum is not too busy. You should try the SRF Prayer list on Facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/609817619043697/
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Think ye in thy heart, lotus feet of thy Guru, If you want to cross the ocean of delusion. Shaming the white lotus in purity, beyond all duality, Guru, image of Brahma, deliver us from delusion.
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Old 08-11-2017, 04:00 AM   #5
yogagirl
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My dear Heidi,

My heart goes out to you, as I am a fellow teacher, and this year until the hols, I, too, was in a very rough school. It's real 'stand amidst the crash of breaking worlds' stuff.
It's difficult even to imagine if one hasn't been there oneself.
And 'environment is stronger than willpower', so....

Firstly, well done for surviving!!!
I had a young colleague who couldn't cope with the taunting and was off work, sick, all year. Another, who would cry in my arms when they got too cruel. I understand what you mean, now, when you say, as you did in another thread, that you are able to keep going despite physical and mental discomfort.

So, thank you for reminding me to pray. I was just giving advice to my friend, (in fact the advice was to find God first (!) but now you've reminded me, that advice isn't enough.)
Of course I shall pray especially for you (and myself and others, come to think of it...!)

I definitely got a boost in November of last year, when broken to a tether, I had the opportunity of having some private counselling with a monk from SRF, plus the opportunity to improve my kriya yoga techniques. Experiencing that increased joy once in the morning, and knowing that it was waiting for me in the evening if I could make it through the day, really helped me to just about make it through...!

As the new school year approaches, I know how you're feeling at this point in time....!

OK, I shall forcibly stop myself from going on and on and start praying now!!

Love you, Heidi, Praying that you get blessings galore! May your body, mind and soul receive all the refreshing healing you need, that you may continue God's good fight with renewed vigour!

love,
yogagirl

Last edited by yogagirl; 08-12-2017 at 09:26 AM.
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Old 08-11-2017, 10:56 PM   #6
Heidi
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Dear yogagirl,
Thank you so much for your kind love. Yes. We do have to remain positive. But sometimes, when we find a safe place, we must also release some of the sadness, fear, etc. It's a balance, isn't it, to stay, well, balanced! Calmly active, and actively calm...

I am going to a different school a few hours away this year. The system is more functional there, but there will be children who "need me" there, too. I met one of the teachers when I tried to get into one of the buildings this summer. "They have behaviors...." she said, clearly stressed. I said to her honey, no, they don't have behaviors. (By that I mean, in perspective.) My goal for some classes is to try to keep the kids sitting (not wandering or threatening each other). I would like them to learn something, too, but until we can have a respectful conversation, we are working on those most basic "getting along" skills.

What I needed the most, during those hard times? Just to talk, just to be heard. I found myself going on and on in emails to a few trusted people, about what's happening. I didn't have emotional room for any input. I just needed to get it out. I'd stopped talking in spring and really lost myself. But, I am starting slowly to talk again, and my school is the topic I find myself on!

I do love them, dearly. But cannot go down with the ship. Nonetheless perhaps this story will be inspiring:

This summer I went up to Alberta to Jasper and and Banff national parks. To get away and be in a better atmosphere. While there, I interviewed by phone (from a trailhead!) for a school system in a bigger town. A small city, actually. The interview went fine and at the end of it one of the supervisors said, "you did a good job. Phone interviews can be hard." Wow that felt good to hear praise--not that there aren't people trying in my school but...I just never got that validation in such a long time.

Anyway, fast forward two hours and I am climbing a mountain. I don't have cell service some of the way up. On the top of the mountain I take out my phone and there's a voicemail from HR. I call them back, and they offer me the job. I had thought about it on the way up--would I take it, if offered? Well, yes. I feel so isolated in a rural area, and though this maybe wasn't my first choice, it's a chance at being in a bigger system with more people, and a surety of a next step.

Also, the fact they called me back almost immediately, and that I was on the top of a mountain when I received the call, made me feel it was a sign, a calling. I said yes.

So, new school year coming up! And although I have put some energy into getting life situated there, I've put none into lesson planning or room decorating or any of that stuff. (No one's offered to show me a room, even.) I've learned. I've learned that things can change on a dime, and also not to invest so much where the positive energy isn't coming back toward you. I will do my best for the kids when I'm there, of course, but in any situation where the rug can be pulled from under my feet, I will hold back. I will not count my chickens before they are hatched. I WILL pour out everything I can for the kids and schools that are receptive of my love. I WILL find alternative ways of getting the kids...and my classrooms...what they need. But I will try my very hardest not to let mySELF (ego) get in places where it is just not supposed to be.

Sigh...there is so much great love that I learned in serving. I had to cry and be angry and learn to let go, too. I pray fervently that things in me will move that will move others. More and more I think that teaching "how to live" is the most essential, and all the other material is an afterthought...

Wow you brought out a lot in me . If you would like to chat privately I would be honored to support you as well.
Be well,
Heidi
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Old 08-12-2017, 09:22 AM   #7
yogagirl
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Thanks for your inspiring mountain story, Heidi.
Was going to edit everything after having slept over it...but not after such a nice reply from you.
Good Luck with your new job.
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Old 08-13-2017, 11:29 PM   #8
Heidi
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Hi everyone,
Thank you for the prayers! They are working! There was a lot of healing today and I am even starting to get the exercises. I still can't consciously relax 😜 But things are moving in my life too like I was at a vigil today for Charlottesville and that was a really good experience, meeting likeminded people and sharing prayer and I even jumped in to lead a song. Since watching Mrinalini Mata's service online too I have felt a difference when going through my day and trying to meditate. I am glad for the communion of fellow people on the path like you and truly feel it is making a difference.
Much love,
Heidi
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