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Old 07-14-2017, 09:16 AM   #1
paulo
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Forrest gump goes to heaven

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though,
that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering
an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short,
but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.
I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second: How many seconds are there in a year?

Third: What is God's first name?'

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.

He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and
says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,
tell me your answers."

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?
Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide, and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do
have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit
for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about
that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in
Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,
though that was not quite what I had in mind...but I will have to give
you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question...
Can you tell me God's first name?"

"Sure," Forrest replied, "It's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers
to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with
the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest
one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song,
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."


St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
and said, "Run, Forrest, run."
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Old 07-14-2017, 10:51 AM   #2
Adhikari
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Cute.
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Think ye in thy heart, lotus feet of thy Guru, If you want to cross the ocean of delusion. Shaming the white lotus in purity, beyond all duality, Guru, image of Brahma, deliver us from delusion.
-Cosmic Chants
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Old 07-14-2017, 04:12 PM   #3
Bryon777
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Reminds me of another one:
A devout Buddhist died and went to heaven. St Peter met him at the Pearly Gates with a big welcome, and told him that his home was behind door 4 down the hall.

Then St. Peter said, "But please tip-toe quietly past door 1. That is where the Christians are, and they think they are the only ones up here."
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